February 27, 2021

A.'.A.'. and O.T.O. complementing one another

For the last few years, I have been actively immersing myself in the practices of the O.T.O. system. I perceive the whole system as a rather elaborate one, offering an inspired beginner a solid structure to advance life. In my case, I see the path entwined with the O.T.O. degrees as an excellent opportunity to complete a specific task from my current A.'.A.'. attainment.

Using my head and meekly bowing to no one, however, I see certain aspects of the said system as downright ridiculous and very much old-aeon-like (the general feeling of theocracy, taking the vows of obedience to the head of the Order, waiting to be invited to higher degrees and similar bullshit). And, all the drama around the "great and wonderful O.T.O. Order" higher initiates' ego trips is quite useless to me. Also, I need no community to fill the inner need for belonging and accepting...

...so I aligned my time and efforts with a sister lineage, which welcomes individual creativity, supports freedom of choice, and which does not impede the progress of an actively involved student in any way.

Reflecting on the whole O.T.O. system, I think the first three degrees' practices must be a real challenge to a newcomer to the Thelema. Nevertheless, the meditations and other exercises are fascinating, intriguing and can indeed contribute so much, I have to say.

Again, in my case, being quite familiar with the Thelema practices, I breezed through the degrees (ignoring the old aeon notions from Freemasonry as they have got nothing whatsoever to do with the Thelema spiritual current, in my opinion), with one major crisis that lasted around nine months. 

Lesson learned: the O.T.O. meditations and other practices are efficient enough on their own. There is no need to combine them with anything else (the Mahamudra empowerments in my case).

The jackpot or the process that contributed to my current initiation level the most thus far, however, was the P.I. annihilation.

Part of diary entry after the ritual:

“The immediate result is that I have no inclination whatsoever towards our Prophet any more, either way, for example. I see now that everything I did up to this point (in the O.T.O. and A.'.A.'.) was only a mental projection and what he did was just as unreal as anything else”.

Freedom, independence, less drama, more Understanding,Wisdom, Strenght etc. - that is what the O.T.O. meditations and other practices delivered thus far. And the best is yet to come!

I see the A.'.A.'. system as very useful and at the same time quite demanding, taking the tasks after abyss into consideration. And here, for me, the O.T.O. comes in handy. Its practical and down-to-earth approach can indeed contribute a lot.

I see both systems, the A.'.A.'. and the O.T.O. as two sides of the same coin, complementing each other both in practices and manifestations, sharing but one ground reality:

"There is no law beyond Do what thou wilt."
Liber AL, III-60

Fr. 418 .'.

More info and links on the O.T.O. >>

April 6, 2020

Pure Selfishness, with foresight

Magick without tears, ch. Selfishness

Selfishness? I am glad to find you worrying that bone, for it has plenty of meat on it; fine juicy meat, none of your Chilled Argentine or Canterbury lamb. It is a pelvis, what's more; for in a way the whole structure of the ethics of Thelema is founded upon it.
There is some danger here; for the question is a booby trap for the noble, the generous, the high-minded.

'Selflessness', the great characteristic of the Master of the Temple, the very quintessence of his attainment, is not its contradictory, or even its contrary; it is perfectly compatible (nay, shall we say friendly?) with it.

The Book of the Law has plenty to say on this subject, and it does not mince its words. AL,11: 18, 19, 20, 21:

These are dead, these fellows; they feel not. We are not fo r the poor and the sad: the lords of the earth are our kinsfolk.
Is a God to live in a dog? No! but the highest are of us. They shall rejoice, our chosen; who sorroweth is not of us.
Beauty and strength, leaping laughter and delicious /anguour, fo rce and fire, are of us.
We  have  nothing  with  the  outcast  and  the  unfit:  let them  die  in  their  misery.  For  they  feel  not. Compassion  is  the  vice  of  Kings:  stamp  down  the wretched  and  the  weak;  this  is  the  law  of  the  strong: this  is  our  law  and  the  joy  of the  world.

That  sets  up  a  standard,  with  a  vengeance! (Note  "they  feel  not,"  twice  repeated.  There  should  be something  important  to  the  thesis herein  concealed.)

The  passage  becomes  exalted,  but  a  verse  later  resumes  the theme,  setting  forth  the  philosophical  basis  of  these apparently  violent  and  arrogant  remarks. "It  is  a  lie,  this  folly  against  self."  (A L.  II:  22)

This  is  the  central  doctrine  of  Thelema  in  this  matter. What  are  we  to  understand  by  it?  That  this  imbecile  and nauseating  cult  of  weakness-democracy  some  call  it-is utterly  false  and  vile.

Let  us  look  into  the  matter.  (First  consult  AL.  II:  24,  25, 48,  49,  58,  59,  and  III:  18,  58,  59.  It  might  be  confusing  to quote  these  texts  in  full;  but  they  throw  much  further  light on  the  subject.)
The  word  "compassion"  in  its  accepted sense-which  is  bad  etymology-implies  that  you  are  a  fine fellow,  and  the  other  so  much  dirt;  that  is,  you  insult  him  by pity  for  his  misfortunes.  But  "Every  man  and  every  woman  is a  star";  so  don't  you  do  it!  You  should  treat  everybody  as  a King  of  the  same  order  as  yourself.

Of  course,  nine  people out  of  ten  won't  stand  for  it,  not  for  a  minute;  the  mere  fact of  your  treating  them  decently  frightens  them;  their  sense  of inferiority  is  exacerbated  and  intensified;  they  insist  on grovelling.  That  places  them.  They  force  you  to  treat  them  as the  mongrel  curs  they  are;  and  so  everybody  is  happy!

The  Book  of  the  Law  is  at  pains  to  indicate  the  proper attitude  of  one  "King"  to  another.  When  you  fight  him,  "As brothers,  fight  ye!"  Here  we  have  the  old  chivalrous  type  of warfare,  which  the  introduction  of  reason  into  the  business has  made  at  the  moment  impossible.  Reason  and  Emotion; these  are  the  two  great  enemies  of  the  Ethic  of  Thelema. They  are  the  traditional  obstacles  to  success  in  Yoga  as  well a s  in  Magick.

Now  in  practice,  in  everyday  life,  this  unselfishness  is always  cropping  up.  Not  only  do  you  insult  your  brother King  by  your  "noble  self-sacrifice,"  but  you  are  almost bound  to  interfere  with  his  True  Will.  "Charity"  always means  that  the  lofty  soul  who  bestows  it  is  really,  deep down,  trying  to  enslave  the  recipient  of  his  beastly  bounty!

In  practice,  I  begin  afresh,  it  is  almost  entirely  a  matter  of the  point  of  view.  "That  poor  chap  looks  as  if a  square  meal wouldn't  hurt  him";  and  you  chuck  him  a  half-crown.  You offend  his  pride,  you  pauperize  him,  you  make  a  perfect  cad of  yourself,  and  you  go  off  with  a  glow  of having  done  your good  deed  for  the  day.  It's  all  wrong.  In  such  a  case,  you should  make  it  the  request  for  a  favour.  Say  you're  "dying for  someone  to  talk  to,  and  would  he  care  to  join  you  in  a spot  of  lunch"  at  the  Ritz,  or  wherever  you  feel  that  he  will be  the happiest.

When  you  can  do  this  sort  of  thing  as  it  should  be  done, without  embarrassment,  false  shame,  with  your  whole  heart in  your  words-do  it  simply,  to  sum  up-you  will  find yourself  way  up  on  the  road  to  that  royal  republic  which  is the  ideal  of  human  society.


P.P.P.S.  An  amusing  coincidence.  Just  as  I  was  polishing  up this  letter  the  lady  whom  I  had just  engaged  to  help  me  with some  of  my  work  irritated  me  to  the  point  when  my  screams became  so  heartrending  that  the  village  will  never  sleep  again as  smoothly  as  its  wont.  They  split  the  welkin  in  several places;  and  although  invisible  menders  were  immediately  put on  the  job  it  is  generally  felt  that  it  will  never  more  be  its own  original  wholeness. And  why?  Just  because  of her  anxiety  to  please!  She  asked me  if  she  might  do  somefhing;  I  said  "Yes";  she  then  went  on begging  for  my  consent,  explaining  why  she  had  made  the request,  apologizing  for  her  existence! She  could  not  understand  that  all  she  had  to  do  was  to  try and  please  herself-the  highest  part  of  herself-to  be  assured of  my  full  satisfaction.

P.P.P.P.S.  "But the A:. A:. oath;  aren't  you - we - all out to improve the race, not counting the cost to ourselves?" Pure selfishness, child, with foresight! I want a decent place to live in next time I come back. And a longer choice of first rate vehicles for my Work.

- Magick without tears, ch. Selfishness

January 9, 2020

One Teacher, One Order, One Truth Bullshit

Thelema came knocking on my doors in early 1996. Reflecting upon those first years and seeing how my focus was almost completely directed onto the outer realities (meaning, I was alone, wanting to belong, to be someone and to do something special, etc.), I am glad that I did not align myself with some outer structure (read: social or some other Order.) If I had, I would have just slowed down my growing up process.

Growing up is quite important, in my opinion. In modern terms that would be defined as individualization and self-actualization or breaking out of social, institutional, educational, family influences by becoming, well, a grown-up person, independent and free from bowing down to some authority.

In Thelema lore, this exact process and the resulting grown-up personal traits are mirrored in various texts, in Liber OZ for example.

Observing dynamic situations in the Thelema Orders around the world today, I am particularly intrigued by the notions of the One Holy and True Order, One Teacher, insistence on hierarchy, or shall we say theocracy, covering up or denying that rapes, emotional and mental abuses are taking place, etc.

No, I am not angry, frustrated or appalled by what I am observing, it just doesn't compute:
Is Thelema, one of the most direct and quite loud doctrines out there regarding personal responsibilities and liberties, being squandered by personal ego trips, astral (emotional) glamour and neurotic tendencies by the very same people that are publicly proclaiming: "Do what thou wilt."?

<deep sigh>

And then, of course, we have the childish and immature old-aeon notions and games called: "Please, save me, for I am incapable to progress on my own.".

I am always surprised by what I see here online or in real life and in-person as well: "advanced" aspirants, who have been involved in mystical and magickal practices for decades, a priori and without even bothering to examine which neurotic inner tendency they are being played by, bow down to, and put on a pedestal, some author, lineage "leader", or head of an Order.

Excuse me?!
What the hell?!

Please, Order Leader, save me 

(laughing out loud)

Donating precious life energy to others is what is really happening in such cases, it seems. Instead of looking deeply within and finding what is most alive there (whatever that is, maybe even, god forbid, quite apart from what Order rules state), most human beings look outside…

…and a priori and without ever bothering to really examine what they say and do, follow some authority.

And although the greatest spiritual masters in human history (not only our Master Therion but the Buddha, Krishna, Mohamed, Krishnamurti, etc. as well) have all said to NOT do that, a lot of human beings still meekly bow down to some authority.

Well, in my opinion, that’s just a phase in the process of growing up, nothing more. A little child does that, a real grown-up person doesn’t need to, does she/he.

These are all just little games that egos admire so much, in my opinion. In reality, NO outer authority can initiate you, give you or grant you, well, anything, really. So, what's with the One Teacher, One Order, One Truth notion?

I don't know, but it really does smell to me like total bullshit.

Besides the term 'total bullshit', there is an even better term for these mindless ego-trips: idiot magick.

Idiot Magick

Confusing Babalon with mommy
I guess no one wants to be an idiot, most of us just want to be high-level magicians...

...at the same time, however, knowing all there is to know about someone whom we have never even met in person, the ability to quote sacred texts by heart,
performing Star Sapphire, Reguli and 25 on a daily basis, drinking morning coffee with obligatory Thoth tarot spread for the day ahead,
evoking Goetia spirits for money
and at the same breath refraining from quitting the dead-end job because of some unfavorite astrological conjunction - basically NOT having a real-life at all...

...and at the same time proudly and meekly following some rules laid down by some head of the Order living thousands of miles away...

...politely and meekly waiting for an invitation to progress along the degrees of the aforementioned True and Sacred Order...

...and honoring some obviously delusional "authority" of the One True Order, hoping that it will bring some progress in the future...

...well, that spells out to me as IDIOT MAGICK.


Who am I and what shall be the sign?

Far beyond childish little games and immature ego-trips of "high degree magicians", might stand this line of thought:

"Any organization, group, or a person claiming a connection to the A.'.A.'. can only connect you to the external and temporal A.'.A.'. 

Connecting with the sempiternal A.'.A.'. is a process of self-initiation and no one in this plane can give that to you. 

Any group claiming to be the A.'.A.'., regardless of how legitimate and how effective it is, can only provide you with the training and resources of the external, temporal A.'.A.'.

Initiation is an internal process between you and the true A.'.A.'. ..."
- Ricardo F.

And to drive the point I am trying to make today right in:

“The Sempiternal A.’.A.’. Order is beyond political and personal human projections, hopes and dreams. Only inner and intimate transpersonal realizations can link one with this Inner Order,
no outside authority can do that. It is a matter of complete freedom of self-regulated spiritual development. There is no ‘One True Lineage’ or ‘One True World Teacher’, for such exclusiveness exists only in the vivid child-like human imagination.”
 - me

What do YOU feel/think?


July 7, 2019

The pathless land

“Truth is a pathless land.”

Truth is a pathless land. Man cannot come to it through any organization, through any creed, through any dogma, priest or ritual, not through any philosophical knowledge or psychological technique.
He has to find it through the mirror of relationship, through the understanding of the contents of his own mind, through observation and not through intellectual analysis or introspective dissection.

- J. Krishnamurti, 1980.

February 12, 2019

From beyond the Abyss (VII:): Mahamudra

May all adepts attain the City of Pyramids

Maitripa’s Essential Mahamudra Verses

To innermost bliss, I pay homage!

Were I to explain Mahamudra, I would say—
All phenomena? Your own mind!
If you look outside for meaning, you’ll get confused.
Phenomena are like a dream, empty of true nature,

And mind is merely the flux of awareness,
No self-nature: just energy flow.
No true nature: just like the sky.
All phenomena are alike, sky-like.

That’s Mahamudra, as we call it.
It doesn’t have an identity to show;
For that reason, the nature of mind
Is itself the very state of Mahamudra
(Which is not made up, and does not change).
If you realize this basic reality
You recognize all that comes up, all that goes on,
as Mahamudra,
The all-pervading dharma-body.

Rest in the true nature, free of fabrication.
Meditate without searching for dharma-body—
It is devoid of thought.
If your mind searches, your meditation will be confused.

Because it’s like space, or like a magical show,
There is neither meditation or non-meditation,
How could you be separate or inseparable?
That’s how a yogi sees it!

Then, aware of all good and bad stuff as the basic reality,
You become liberated.
Neurotic emotions are great awareness,
They’re to a yogi as trees are to a fire—FUEL!

What are notions of going or staying?
Or, for that matter, “meditating” in solitude?
If you don’t get this,
You free yourself only on the surface.

But if you do get it, what can ever fetter you?
Abide in an undistracted state.
Trying to adjust body and mind won’t produce meditation.
Trying to apply techniques won’t produce meditation either.

See, nothing is ultimately established.
Know what appears to have no intrinsic nature.
Appearances perceived: reality’s realm, self-liberated.
Thought that perceives: spacious awareness, self-liberated.
Non-duality, sameness [of perceiver and perceived]: the dharma-body.

Like a wide stream flowing non-stop,
Whatever the phase, it has meaning
And is forever the awakened state—
Great bliss without samsaric reference.

All phenomena are empty of intrinsic nature
And the mind that clings to emptiness dissolves in its own ground.
Freedom from conceptual activity
Is the path of all the Adepts.

I’ve put together these lines
That they may last for aeons to come.
By this virtue, may all beings without exception
Abide in the great state of Mahamudra.

- Maitripa

December 28, 2018

From beyond the Abyss VI.: O.T.O meditations: Born Anew

May all adepts attain the City of Pyramids

4th O.T.O. meditation (includes sub meditations)

I create protective sphere around the room I am in, deep purple energy sphere. I know it will be good enough to protect my body from any intrusive spirit.

With intention I leave with BoL (body of light) and find myself at the OTO gate, I enter with ease and fly straight towards the camp and before my tent.

There is a guard there, transparent; we both know he is not needed anymore. In a flash I realize that at the lower level, this guard is ego that is protecting material existence, at intermediate level he is HGA (way beyond ego) and at the deepest level (after abyss) he does not exist on his own.

I enter the tent and everything is the same as before. The feeling or atmosphere in this tent is very familiar, it is my tent.

I go to the couple of Keepers and we exchange the Words and they direct me to the OTO Lamen. There is a well and Lamen on the wall above it.

The Lamen is just a manifestation of the source, a presentation of the whole existence of the initiated OTO aspirant and the well represents consciousness in which the essence of the Lamen can be reflected. The surface of the water is in my heart, symbolically speaking.

So I relax and focus on the reflection of the water and I see there the whole OTO Lamen.
There is Light, Wisdom, Understanding, Remembering, Strength, Beauty… and Foundation, and I understand that lower symbols on the Lamen represent the transformation in the aspirant and I hear “There is no law beyond do what thou wilt”.

There is no difference; I am That, meaning that there is no difference between me standing there, and the Lamen. I am the Lamen, I am the Light, Wisdom, Understanding. There is no difference, each number is infinite, the khabs is in the khu not the khu in the khabs and there is no law beyond do what thou wilt.

(At this point meta-cognition kicks in and I see that unification with the 93 spiritual current, symbolically represented by Lamen, is happening.)

Everything else is fading away, meaning that everything else is equally important, the Spirit is not any better than the matter, everything is manifested without existing. There is the insubstantiality, anatta, everything is empty, no one exists and nothing exists.
This is above the law: nothing.  There is NO LAW beyond do what thou wilt. No law is beyond, nothing is beyond or above the Law.

Chalice, heart, cross, flames. Interesting thing happens now as I focus on the lower part of the Lamen: the middle and top symbols stop shining, they just subside in the background and only lower part shines. I understand that there is no difference; it is just the present moment that counts. The Truth is manifested, currently, as the lower symbols. And I am united with these. Complete satori, samadhi, sambhodi even.

<longer pause>

I focus now on the dove. And the dove starts to shine brightly and the other two are not shining. It is a process, it is the inflow of the wisdom, love, power etc. The process itself and the dove are empty. Meaning, immaculately pure from the beginning. primordial purity, beauty and light. I unite with this easily. I am that.
And again, there is no law beyond…. Nothing is beyond. Nothing is beyond, beyond is emptiness, Nuit, Hadit, united in Rahookhuit above Kether.

I focus now on the Eye of Ra and it starts to shine brightly. It is soooooooo bright. I don’t even perceive reflection anymore, it is like being inside of the OTO Lamen shining through the Eye of Ra. Shining 12 links of depending origination, 12 zodiac signs, basically everything in manifestation is just the Light from the Eye of Ra.

There is no difference between the Eye of Ra, Ra and I and 12 emanations, everything is completely pure, primordially, empty, there is nothing beyond these three forms. And there is no law beyond Do what thou wilt, it is a negation of the Law, there is NO LAW.

The law is Do what thou wilt and beyond that, there is no law. And the No law is RHK and he is empty, for he has crushed the Universe with his omnipresent empty awareness. And we are nondual, everyone is nondual with him, whether we want it or not. If one is aware of this, s/he is free.

<looooooong pause>

The tent is empty, there are no keepers here now, for they have been integrated into this awareness of RHK, into perfect balance.

I am life and the giver of life, therefore the knowledge of me is the knowledge of death. There is no death, just Light. Wisdom and Understanding are perfectly integrated into None.

Well, I don’t feel like it but since this is a birth, I manifest again, I born myself, I reappear as an aspirant that is meditating on Me and as soon as that thought arises, I see "myself" standing in front of the OTO Lamen in the BoL.

The Keepers have manifested as well, I turn to them, they stand up and their eyes are shining. We all know very well that this is just a game, a lila, a drama, a play. We are playing roles.
So, keeping up with the appearances, I say the words: Every man and every… They smile.
I take my leave, guard is outside and we both know it is just a game.

It becomes clear to me now that after the 1st degree and these meditations it will be easier for me to live in the world, knowing that all 3 bodies and everything else in the world is just a game, a play, a drama, full of insubstantiality, of anatta.

I exit the OTO sphere and I notice no difference between the inner energy and energy outside of the OTO sphere.
I return to the body, there are no spirits there now. Protective energy is large enough so no spirits came to listen this time.
I enter the body and open my eyes. I will balance now with Star Ruby.

5th meditation
I do all the same as in previous meditations and……. find myself in front of the tent in the OTO sphere.
There is a guard there and I enter the tent. As I enter the Keepers stand up greeting me, and curiously enough, now I hear them say, “Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law…” and I reply, “Love is the law, love under will…”

They invite me to sit down and I sit on the floor.

The woman starts speaking:

"In this visit you ought to be asking us about the meaning of both of us, the tent and the guard outside and the ** but since in previous meditations everything meaningful has already been said, if it is ok with you, we will now integrate into you and disappear from this tent."

I stand up, willing, look deep into their eyes and I say to the woman, Babalon and to the man, Chaos, knowing that this is just a pretense, an appearance – that is just as important as everything else:

"There is no difference between the Source of the river and the river itself."

So I recognize that Keepers really are there in front of me, and I perfectly know that from a deeper perspective they are Nuit and Hadit.
I invoke them to integrate into me, their child, RHK

Everything is disappearing, the tent, guard, camp, the OTO sphere, universe, everything is gone, de-manifesting.

<long long long pause>

I  stop recording here and just open my eyes and that is it. No drama needed.
I am born anew.

Fr. 418